Day 91, Almost there!!!

Let me tell you...

The closer I get to the end the harder it is to finish.  I am incredibly tired and everything is distracting me!!!!!

I am determined but I have piled so much on my plate for the day I am concerned I will not be able to do it all. Because some people (who will remain nameless) don't want to stay the night at my house for the new year I have to have dinner ready at a certain time. But it is okay loved one, it is okay.

Never the less, I am a fast reader and I am reading slower as well, I think I am running into what some of my family and friends were running into.  The Word was speaking to them and they needed to take the time to understand what it was saying to them.  I told myself this couldn't happen to me I have a deadline.  LOL!  I am silly I know.

Ultimately, for me, the most important thing is that I am finished by midnight tonight. I will highlight or fold the page of all the verses that speak to me. I will look over them in the upcoming days.

To finishing on time and honoring my commitment to the Lord.

Day 91, My arms are too short

As I am wrapping up, I am realizing how much of a struggle this has been for me.  I have experienced so much doubt along the way.  At some points, especially reading the words of the prophets I was beginning to think that I was just Jewish. I have been reading different Jewish websites and blogs to gain true understanding as to why they don't believe Jesus was the Messiah.  Unlike anything else I have encountered there were some incredibly valid points. Just when I thought I may have lost it all, I turned the page to the New Testament

I had been questioning my faith. I was afraid. Plus, I am always confronting my husband about his doubts and how he should stand up so he can lead our family; but I am having doubts of my own. (Hypocrite) Secretly, I wanted him to be stronger so I could lean on his faith. (Wrong move)  I needed to check myself.

So here it is:

Gary, I am sorry for every time I have tried to through God in your face without having Him in my mouth and heart.  I am sorry for harboring a grudge against you for not continuing to read the Bible with me these past months.  I am sorry for denying you the respect you have ultimately deserved as my husband throughout our entire marriage. I am sorry for blaming you for things I have had a hand in also. I am sorry for everything I have hidden. You are an a amazing husband.  I am proud of you. I am glad you are showing interest in getting to know the Lord and it will be my pleasure to continue to pray for your strength in Him. I am sorry for being mean, I can't wait to get to know you better. I can't wait to be a better support system for you.  Thank you for sharing your life with me. I love you, please forgive me.
**********************************************************************************
I pray almost every morning for God to lead and guide me. Finally, I am ready to surrender. I give up, I realize my arms are too short to box with God.

Day 88, Revelations 18-22

I missed the bus.

Not only did I literally miss the early bus home yesterday, I have been missing the bus of success everyday.  I pray everyday for God to help me live for Him to be upright, resist temptation and sin not.  Everyday the bus drives by me and I am granted the opportunity to get on, meaning I won't tell that lie, I won't judge this person, I won't use foul language. But most days I just let the bus pass me by leaving dust in my face. On my worst days I won't even attempt to catch it.

The more I read the Bible, the more I pray and mean it, the more I make conscience attempts to live for God the more obstacles come my way. I can choose to engage them, jump over them, or ask God to guide me around them.

When I decided to be obedient and read the Bible in three months I knew I was going to be blessed.  One of the greatest blessings I have received so far is realizing how much I was already blessed.

My Uncle's funeral is tomorrow. If I am honest I can not say that he was an Uncle that I spent an enormous amount of time with.  But I do know that he was an honorable man who loved his family, a mathematical genius, a charismatic speaker, one of the smartest men I ever knew.  He suffered pain that I don't want to comprehend, though he may have retreated he never caved to defeat.  I have learned so much from his life and I thank God for him.

Marshall David Ellington, now your heart will forever be mended... 1957-2010

Day 83, 1 Corinthians 15 - Galatians 3

My husband hasn't read with me since about day 15.  I can't deny that I wish that were not the case.  I think I was harboring some kind of anger towards him for it.  I shouldn't have, like he has told me countless times he did not commit to reading the Bible in three months; I did.

For completing this I know the Lord will bless me. I guess the mistake I have made is assuming what kind of blessings.  I felt that within these 90 days God would bless my house by saving my husband. He would have rapidly developed the desire to seek the Lord and love Him. Unfortunately, for me, I thought I knew how all of this should occur. And stupidly I tried to make it happen myself. ( Can you say unsuccessful?)  My plans are flawed and my thoughts are not just. I am human. I have to leave it God's hands. That is the main lesson I have learned these past 84 days.

The more I trust Him and seek Him and live to glorify Him. The more peace I have and more blessings I receive. I might change receive to recognize because He was blessing me before but I just wasn't paying attention.

Day 81, Romans 1 - 14

HONESTY...

The end of this three month journey is rapidly approaching.  I am not sure exactly how I expected to feel by now, but I am going to say I am blessed to be feeling.  I am learning so much about my self. I thought I was good. I may have been good in the going measurements of the world today.  In the eyes of the Lord, I know was a corrupted and broken vessel.  I am by no means sin free today.  But, now I can see my sins and accept the great horrors I have been committing.  There is not any excuse or justification for my actions. I would say, " I lied because I was afraid" ( God hasn't given us a spirit of fear) Do I need to confess all of my sins to another man to really be forgiven or for them to truly believe in God's deliverance? I don't think so just know I spent many years of my life dangling my toes at the gates of hell and He was merciful enough to snatch me back. These three months are the first three months of the rest of my life

POWER, LOVE, and A SOUND MIND...

For the past two mornings I have taken public transportation into work.  People have seen me reading the Bible and it makes me feel good because I believe they are thinking I am a good person.  I believe I am probably feeling prideful; but what is proper pride?  I am proud to be a follower of Christ, how do I display it correctly? God has given us a spirit of power over sin, power over principalities, power over pride and haughty hearts.  I need the knowledge to discern when I am exerting my given power or my fleshly pride.

I WANT TO BE A GOOD STEWARD...

I tell the Lord, I want to work unto Him, be a wife and mother unto Him, I want to check with Him before I make any decision.  Is this true? Do I really mean this because I love Him and I appreciate all He has given me? Or am I saying this because I am hoping He will bless me with more because of my stewardship? I have buried so many talents. Will God restore them if I go get a shovel?

I believe, Lord help my unbelief.

Day 77, John 16 - Acts 6

God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we are able to ask or think.

So much stuff is going on in my heart and mind right now. I am in a love - hate relationship with my life.  I am praying for satisfaction with what God has blessed me with.

1. I am still alive - I should be dead because of how much I sin
2. I want to have a baby with my husband. It is going to be difficult because we have some reproductive issues and the procedures are expensive. - I should be happy with Tyler. He is amazing. I couldn't be more proud of him and glad to have him in my life. On top of that I don't treat him the way I should, meaning I don't spend a lot of time talking about God with him. Which is wrong, wrong, wrong. I say I love him with all of my heart but I am not instilling him with the most important thing in his life.  I probably don't deserve a baby until I honor him with the baby he has already given me.
3. I have a job. It doesn't pay a lot but at least I know a check is coming on the 15th and 30th.-There are millions unemployed and I go to work everyday unhappy wishing to be fired. How dare I kick God in the face. I need to honor what he has given me while working to receive something better.

I claim I want to be led, but I act wilder than a wild bronco when he tries to reign me in.  I am ashamed, but I will prevail. 

Day 76, John 6-15

Day 76

I would want to say it was it bad day. A sad day.  I had an error at work, and there was a death in my family. I was unhappy.  But God gives us peace beyond our own understanding.  He will answer our prayers.

Isaiah 61: 1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion -- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.

My Uncle was brokenhearted. I prayed for God to heal his broken heart. He did so by taking my Uncle home. Thank you God for your mercy. Thank you for your Son.

68, Zechariah 11 - Malachai 4

I am finally doing it!  I am honoring my husband.  He wants me to find a new job and I have been procrastinating for many many reasons.  Tonight I have sent out my first resumes. I plan on doing so every night until I am hired somewhere new with an increase in wages.  Thank you God for breaking down this wall for me. That is all I have to say today. That is the most significant change I have experienced so far.

God Bless. Pray for someone it is the best gift you can give.

Day 66, Obadiah 1 - Haggai 2

Day 66 was an incredible day for me. I only read one verse, and I think I read same one over and over because I couldn't concentrate.  I was becoming an Aunt again and it was very consuming.  I was so excited to be there because I have never seen a child being born before. I also felt like it was a moment for me to be closer to my sister in law (as of today I am leaving off the "in law") No matter what she is my sister for life. She has given me a great gift that I will always be grateful for. I didn't know what to expect during delivery but all I could see was beauty and God's wonder. If you ever read this post, Dionne you are amazing.

I couldn't stop crying. I am still crying today. Thank you God for life. Thank You for my family. Thank You for answering my prayers, because I have prayed all of my life for a sister and now I have one.

I am full of joy and I am so excited about beginning the New Testament in the next couple of days.

Day 64, Daniel 9 - Hosea 13

I had a girl's night out last night. My sister-in-law is having her baby this weekend and all the girls in the family and a couple of friends went out for Italian.  I had a good time. I had a real good time but for whatever reason I still felt very lonely, in the mist of all these people.  I felt like what I wanted no one else at that table wanted. What I valued no one else at that table valued. What I have been learning and devising as true these last 64 days no one at that table wanted to learn. No one wants to forgive. No one wants to value family for what they are unless they feel they have created the outcome. 

 NO ONE WANTS GOD TO TAKE CONTROL OF THEIR LIFE BUT THEY CONSTANTLY WANT TO ASK HIM TO SAVE THEM.

I don't know how to minister to others. Sadly I haven't asked God to show me how. I will now though.  I am in pain for perfection in God's eyes. Everyone else can think I am crazy.

My cousin posted this Prayer on Facebook. I love it. It is a prayer I want to live. 

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Father God, thank You for the gift of forgiveness that sets me free. Help me to truly understand what it means to forgive so I can receive Your forgiveness. Search me today and have Your way in my heart. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Day 63, Ezekiel 48 - Daniel 8

Question...

Do we thwart the answering of our prayers? I mean if we are continuously praying for something, when we see it start to happen to we do something to sabotage it?  If my prayer is for a peaceful home and I have experienced 10 days of peace; I would notice, right?  On day 11, I might pick a fight with my spouse just so I can ask God why wasn't He answering my prayers. 

God please send me a new job... God I really need you to deliver me a job.
( Have you started sending out applications)

God please heal my relationship with my siblings...God I am still waiting on a break through in these relationships.
( Have you called them or sent them a card or even analyzed why you are not as close as you should be)

Lord, Lead us not into temptation... I am being tempted at every turn.
(How are you living your life have you continued down the same path or have you tried to change your ways and follow me.  If your temptation is sexual, stop partying and drinking to the point where your conscience escapes you.  If your temptation is lying, take the time to really think about what you are saying before you say it. Be willing to face the consequences of your actions.)

These are just some of the things that have been on my mind.  Fill your life with God and you will live a God filled life.

Dying to the desires of my flesh.

Day 61, Ezekiel 24 - 35

I am struggling with faith.  I heard some news this morning that really disturbed me. I mean it really disturbed me!  All it was, was an opportunity for be to trust God immediately and I blew it.  All I could see was condemnation.  Where is my faith? Where is my belief that all things work together for the good of those who Love the Lord and are called according to His purpose?  I am now incredibly ashamed of myself. 

A haughty spirit will be brought down and a man who thinks himself wise is worse than a fool.  This needs to be seared in my mind so that I don't falter again.

I am reading God's word but am I listening to Him...

Day 60, Ezekiel 13 - 23

Hello Friends,

I know it has been many days since I have posted.  It wasn't laziness, I promise.  I am behind in my reading and I felt guilty about posting, because I said, " If I don't read, I don't post."  So I haven't been posting.  But something has been running through my mind. I didn't say if I fell behind I wouldn't post. So, how come I am not posting?

I have been reading everyday and I have been praying everyday. I am making progress and I am proud of that.  I am reading so I am going to be posting. But before I go, I want to share one thing that happened a few days ago.

My brother and I try to pray together on a daily basis.  This particular day I was feeling very unsatisfied with myself.  If anything is possible through Christ, then perfection in my walk is possible.  I am not yet perfect so that means I haven't fully put my life in God's hands. I was very angry with myself.  When my brother was praying all I could do was cry and think of what I was going to say to God when it was my turn.  As soon as he said amen all I could do was ask the Lord to purify me. I must have been asking very loud and bitterly because my husband came upstairs to see what was going on.

As I have mentioned before my husband is just getting to know the Lord and sometimes he doesn't understand my zeal.  When he came into the room I just knew he wouldn't understand what was happening. (I was wrong) I stayed on my knees with the phone clutched to my ear. He asked, " What's wrong? Who are you talking to?"

I replied, "I am praying, Gary, I am asking the Lord to purify me and make me perfect."

He took the phone from my hands and told my brother we would call him back. He said, " Sarah, get up from here. No one is perfect, and I see you are trying to serve the Lord. I see a real difference in you."

Granted, that was pleasing to hear but it still wasn't enough. I explained to him that I could be perfect if I really believed and if I really wanted to because all things are possible through Christ. Just because I have sinned before doesn't mean I have to continue sinning. As I was speaking to him I felt the overwhelming need to return to my knees and continue confessing my sins and beg for mercy. I was starting to feel embarrassed, but, God gave me strength to not feel embarrassed or afraid that Gary would think I was a crazy woman.

He listened to me for a while and got on his knees too. When I felt him next to me, I said, " Gary, I want His light to shine through me. I want to be a worthy vessel.  How can I say I love you if I don't truly show you God's love? I don't even ask you to read with me anymore. I should at least ask. How can I say I love my son when I don't teach him about God? I don't pray with him, I don't read the Bible with him. I am not being a faithful servant. I am not a good wife. I don't want to pick and choose what I like in the Bible. I want to follow and live by everything He commands."

" Sarah, what you are going through right now is your old self and and your new self struggling with each other. I know the new one will win. You trying to be a better person, makes me want to be a better person. I am more interested in God than I have ever been and it is because of you. I see you letting God shine His light through you.  I love you and just keep pushing forward you will reach your goal."

Day 36, Ester 1 - Job 7

Back when I was reading Samuel and Kings, I posted about how much I loved David's story. I told you all how I asked my father to use David's story for the eulogy of my cousin.  He didn't.  You see that year our family had five people to die within a 6 month period. Four of those five all past in the same month and the last two on the same day.  The last three were murdered and they were all young. They were not gang members. One of them didn't even live in the state he was there for another funeral. It was the most tragic time of my life.

Many people who knew us said some pretty mean things.  They said our fathers were not serving the Lord correctly, and this is the price that had to be paid.  The man I was dating at the time made me feel like I was cursed and death would soon be on my head.  I think I can speak for the majority when I say we were a bunch of broken and confused people. 

But as I said before, when my father delivered the Eulogy of the last funeral (The services of my dear cousin, who was only 19 years old and the father of two young boys, one only 9 days old) I knew God loved us. We were not cursed but presented with a great opportunity to praise and trust God.

My father, who I am sure at this time was under the divine inspiration of the Lord, preached to us that day about Job. A man who was blameless and upright.  A man, who God allowed Satan to approach and harm greatly, just to prove how much Job loved Him. Job's friends thought surely he had sinned because something that horrible couldn't possibly just happen to someone who was doing right.  We were all ministered to this day, I am certain.

We weren't blameless, but we still wanted to serve God. We all want to know Him in spite of our doubts and questions and fears, He knew our hearts. He saw our distress and comforted us.  I am forever grateful.  

I am not afraid of what comes against me, as long as I sin not.

Pray for one another it is the best gift you can give.

Day 37's reading is Job 8 - 24

Day 35, Nehemiah 1 - 13

Faithfulness...
Honoring the Lord's commandments...
The joy of the Lord is my strength...

This is what is on my heart right now. I think I know what to do to remain faithful to the Lord, yet, I don't always succeed in doing it. But the same way He delivered the Israelites I have to believe He will deliver me.

What does God require of me? It feels like He requires more than I can complete. But that is just my laziness and my flesh.  If I fill myself with His Word continuously It will overpower my flesh.

The joy of the Lord...  How do you know you have the joy of the Lord?  I think having the Joy of the Lord means that every time I hear His name I should shiver. Whenever calamity comes I still shout my love for Him and sin not.  When I read His Word I should feel His presence, and I should be overwhelmed to the point of tears.  I believe, I should feel and act this way if I have the joy of the Lord.  I am not sure if I am misunderstanding what the joy of the Lord is.  Please pray with me that I will find the truth in this matter.  I want to be strong in Him. If I am strong in Him, it will spread throughout my family and they will be saved. If I am strong in Him, He will bless the work of my hands. If I am strong in Him, He will take away the need for gossip and irritation and replace it with speaking goodness and spreading gladness. If I am strong in Him I will be wise in all of my relationships. If I am strong in Him my son will notice this and want to follow Him also. If I am strong in Him I will not feel the need to please other humans and act cowardly. If I am strong in Him I will be delivered and my light will shine before men.

Pray for one another it is the best gift you can give.

Tomorrow's reading is Esther 1 - Job 7
May God add a Blessing to the hearers, readers, and followers of HIS HOLY WORD.

Day 32, 2 Chronicles 8 - 16

Death and Love.  We can not escape them.  This weekend I encountered death in the physical and the spiritual forms.

My husband's grandmother past away and she is not in this country. He can't go because he carries the family business on his back. I tried to imagine myself in those shoes. (I quickly stopped because I didn't like what I was imagining) The person who I am really hurting for is my father-in-law who can't attend because of his medical condition. I am not sure how I would be able to handle missing the final services for my mother.  But he is standing strong, and he has been an inspiration to me this weekend.  He himself, is not in the best of health, but this weekend,  he still got up, lived the day and never cursed God for his circumstances. He is in pain 24 hours a day and he still goes to work in the cabinet shop. He is not going to let the strength he has left go to waste. I heard him say to his cousin yesterday, " I know God hasn't brought me through all of this just to suffer. I should be dead. God has a purpose for my life I know He does."

That is when my self pity died.  Though I want to mourn the ability to whine over my discomforts, I will not. I will not be like Asa, King of Judah and not call on the Lord because of my anger. I will not be afraid of men or negative circumstances. God has not given us a spirit of fear but of POWER, LOVE, & a SOUND MIND. I claim these, I will speak life.

I am a 1/3 of the way through this journey folks and I see Him healing my ignorance daily. My light will shine before men.

Tomorrow's reading is 2 Chronicles 17 - 35

Day 29, 1 Chronicles 1 - 9

God was working on me today. He is always blessing me.  I am trying to remember to keep praying. That is all.

Tomorrow's reading, 1 Chronicles 1 - 9

Day 28, 2 Kings 16 - 25

King Hezekiah and King Josiah of Judah destroyed the high places. King Josiah was so zealous for  righteousness and he showed this by his actions.  The Bible says there was not a man like him before and there never would be again.  I want to be like him.  I want to be zealous for the Lord in all of my actions, all of my thoughts, all of my heart.

I am blessed to come from a family who loves the Lord.  I am having a hard time finding peace right now and I am looking for a financial blessing (Like I know a lot of people are).  My brother out of the blue says, " We are going to pray about it tonight, fast from dinner." I am not a good faster. I am greedy I am an obese person in a slim body. When ever I try to fast it seems like I begin to feel like I am starving, immediately. Even though I felt like I could conquer skipping dinner, at some point, I subconsciously picked up an apple and began eating it. When I realized what I was doing I spit it out and tried to gag up the excess.  Technically it wasn't dinner but in my heart skipping dinner meant don't eat or drink for the rest of the night.  I am sorry that I wasn't in a prayerful spirit from the moment I told the Lord I was going to fast.  If I was then the apple wouldn't have ever touched my lips. God knows my heart and my intentions. I hope he will honor and accept my efforts tonight. Thank you brother, because your strength has been a motivation and comfort to me.  Thank you for loving me.
God what are you doing in my life? You want to deliver me don't you? You know I am trying to work on praying more and you are creating opportunities left and right.

When I was praying with my brother something came out of my mouth that I was never really able to put in words before.  I know the Lord says He will forgive all of our sins in Jesus' name, but I don't feel forgiven. I feel like I am in a fog that is preventing me from having the closeness to the Lord I so desire.  But now I realize that this feeling is not because God hasn't forgiven me; it is because I haven't forgiven myself.  If God can forgive me how dare I hold myself hostage. (This also was brought to my attention by my sweet brother)

If nothing is to small for God, He can clear this fog. He will heal me of my unbelief. 

Please pray for someone it is the best gift you can give.

Tomorrow's reading is 1 Chronicles 1 - 9    

 P.S. I am ahead in my reading. I can't stop reading. I know it is a severe change even from yesterday. But God can change you in an instant.

Day 27, 2 Kings 5 - 15

I read most of the chapters at work today. I think I am on to something. Normally when it is slow I will surf the internet for news or play computer games.  Why not use that time to knock out some of my reading? Whenever I have time that is what I am going to do.  Instead of sitting down to read the Bible late at night I will play the audio while I do the dishes so that I can go to bed with a clean kitchen. If we combine dinner and the movie I might have a plan.


On to the reading,  I have enjoyed reading about the history of the Kings of Israel and Judah.  Most of the Kings of Israel did not serve the Lord, but he still did not destroy the Israelites totally. (Mercy) The Kings of Judah did right in the eyes of the Lord but they did not tear down the high places where the Israelites worshiped and offered sacrifices. Why not?  I can't wait to read about the King that does right in the eyes of the Lord and tears down all of the worshiping places of all of the idols. Or is there going to be a King who will do this? I have read these chapters before in school but I never paid attention to this. 




Who is going to prohibit idol worship in Judah????????????????????????????????????




Until Next time, pray for one another.


Tomorrow's reading is 2 Kings 16 - 25

Day 26, 1 Kings 17 - 2 Kings 4

Do I know how to multi-task my heart? I know this might sound weird but this is a reality for me.  When I dedicate myself to one thing, I sometimes neglect the other important things in my life.
This is my weekday schedule
5:30am -  wake up
6:15am - leave for work
7:45am - 4:30pm - work
6:15pm - arrive home from work
6:15pm - 10pm- Try to settle in and spend time with the family which includes:

                          cook dinner 1- 2 hours ( I have no clue how Rachel Ray does it in 30 minutes)
                          eat dinner as a family 1.5 hours
                          dishes and clean kitchen 45minutes
                          family movie 2hours
                          dog time 30mins
                          read bible  1.5hours

If I do the math correctly,  from 6:15-10 is 3.75 hours.  If I add all the things I want to try to complete in an evening it adds up to 7.25 hours.  That means I am in the negative by 3.5 hours.

I am going to be honest.

I don't clean up the kitchen most nights. (That was hard to type) Each day I let my dog out while I am trying to finish the dishes from the night before and cook dinner for the evening, which means I am not really paying the dog any attention. Plus he is an Italian Mastiff he needs way more exercise than what I am providing.
At dinner time, I am so busy eating that I am not really talking or giving Gary and Tyler the attention they deserve.  When we start watching a family movie, I am on the computer trying to read some of my Bible chapters for the day. Tyler might say, "Hey did you see that?" And I will have to ask him to rewind it because I was engrossed in King Ahab's ignorance and Elijah's obedience.

I need to learn time management. I really can't go any further than this right now.
 Pray for me and I will pray for you even if you don't pray for me.

Tomorrow's reading is 2 Kings 16 - 25 

Day 25, 1 Kings 8 - 16

Who do you serve? Who do you live to please?  As I read through 1 Kings I am amazed at how men could experience so many signs and wonders from God and still not believe in and serve him only.  This makes me think of human satisfaction. I probably should say human unsatisfaction.  We are always looking for more blessings instead of continually thanking the Lord for what He has already done. 

The Lord appeared to Solomon twice. He granted him wisdom and riches, still Solomon worshipped other other gods because he was influenced by his wives.  How can you be influenced by anyone after the Lord has appeared to you?  The the same can be said about some people today. They will pray for something and God will answer that prayer, but they do not remain faithful.

"God please do this one thing for me and I will do such and such for you." Do you honor your commitments to Him?

I am not trying to make this post sound sermon like but this is where my mind is.  I have been able to take some real hard looks at myself lately. I don't like everything I see.  But I am grateful with all that I am that I can still see a glimpse of God in me.

Day 21 - 24, 1 Samuel 16 - 1 Kings 7

Well hello again everyone!  I know it has been a few days but I had to deal with a couple of things.

First and far most, I was very far behind in my daily reading, and I was beginning to feel like that was acceptable. But how could I find the energy to post on this blog daily and not read a few chapters daily?  I needed to spend my time reading God's word like I promised Him I would.  If I don't read, I don't post. Taking the time to get caught up was the best decision I have made in a long while.  I actually feel proud of myself. I feel refreshed in knowing the Lord will give me strength to honor my commitments.

In respect to the reading itself, I must say I LOVE DAVID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A few years ago, my family faced a lot of calamity in the form of deaths.  My father presented the eulogy at each of the funerals except one.  I remember when he was preparing and beseeching the Lord for the sermon for the last funeral. I approached him and said, "Dad, why don't you tell David's story? He was after God's heart and even though he sinned God still new his heart was with Him. This is what you should preach about."  He told me thank you and he would continue asking the Lord what he should say.  Be it as it may, he did not use David for the eulogy, and at first I was upset because I really thought the Lord had sent that message through me.  But when the eulogy was delivered I knew that God loved my family. It was just my love for the story that compelled me to ask my dad to preach it.  That should have been a defining moment in my life, but it wasn't because of my own ignorance.

Still, the story of David ministers to me. It resounds again and again in my life. (I know some people are going to be mad that I am doing this but I am going to do it anyway.)  There was a man in my life who introduced me to the Lord. He read the Bible to me when I was only months old.  At times, he scolded me and when I deserved it, he praised my good deed.  His words were final in my life and I lived to make him proud.  The problem was, I took everything he told me as gospel without truly learning for myself. I loved him so much and since it seemed he loved God, I wanted to love God too. This man was my idol.

One day the Lord saw me and he thought it would be good to save my soul.  So he sent some distractions and emotional roller coasters my way so that I would recognize that he was God and not this man.  Within a few years time, I heeded, and my relationship with God and this man was restored.  But I quickly fell back into worshipping the man, all the while thinking I was worshipping the Lord. Not too much time passed before the man came forth and broke down everything I prided myself on and believed in. He began to follow himself and not the Lord. He destroyed my image of him and my faith in men.  I became very angry, I didn't pray and I sinned A LOT. I continued down a path of destruction until I had a realization.  I didn't know the Lord for myself.  I read the Bible but I looked for his interpretation, I wanted to follow God only because he did.  I asked myself, "Now he has turned his face from the Lord; what are you going to do? Trust in man or in the True and Living God. Choose this day who you will serve Sarah. The man has fallen but God is secure."  As tears burned my eyes I said,"Lord thank you for showing me the light. Forgive me for my sins. Forgive me for putting the ruling of a man above yours. Save me from myself."  God dealt kindly with me. He allowed me to begin desiring Him truly. I was trying to live right for His glory and my salvation; not for the accolades of another human being.  He showed me that I could seek him in private and he would still bless me in public. Though my desires were turning to Him and he was kind enough to give me a revelation, I was still sinning greatly.
 At this same time, the Lord was working on this man and bringing him back to His bosom.  Eventually, the man was restored. I believe he was restored to an even greater place in God than he was before.  This man has learned to wait on God. (To me he was waiting to the point of annihilation, but God always has a plan greater than we can imagine) The man is deep in God's Word like he was before. It is beautiful to witness.  God will beat you down so he can build you up into what he wants you to be. When you put things in front of the Lord, He will destroy those things so that you recognize them for what they are. When they are exposed you will see God in all of His Glory and follow him.

Here I am today, willing to expose myself with all of my imperfections. I am not a good wife, I am not a good daughter, I am not a good friend, I do not love my enemies, I am a liar, I am a judger, I laugh at other people's folly, I do not forgive others the way I want God to forgive me, I do not worship the Lord in everything I do,(especially in my job) I do not let my light shine. If I am honest my light is on a low dim and it has just gotten there in the last 24 days. Continuing in my honesty, I would not have been able to admit anything I have written in this post 24 days ago. I am willing to say I am a sinner and everyday is struggle to live Christlike.  I can admit to myself how totally backwards I am.

Keep me in the fire Oh God, until I am totally refined.

My name is Sarah, I am on a three month journey to read the Bible, I am chronicling this journey,  and I am a sinner.

Thank you for stopping by and please come by again. Tomorrow's reading is 1 Kings 8 - 16

Day 20, 1 Samuel 3 - 15

Are we the modern day children of Israel?  Do we grumble against the Lord in hard times? Do we forget Him when it is good? When He delivers us from trials and tribulation, do we only serve Him for a short time; then forget His goodness again?

I am not going to speak for anyone else, butI am a modern day Israelite. When I am unhappy or experiencing financial difficulties I call on the Lord.  When I am being blessed I will praise him in the beginning but somewhere along the line I think I may begin praising myself.  What weapon do I have to prevent this? What activity can I engage in, to keep my mind stayed on the Lord.

PRAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There isn't anything too large or too small for the Lord. One mistake that is made too often is we categorize things by their importance. "Oh, I don't need to bother God with this." For instance, I don't like my teeth. I think they are too big and not close enough.  Why wouldn't I pray for the Lord to give me peace with how he has made me? Or, I could pray that he would make a way in my finances to get braces or veneers.  He says to cast ALL of our cares on Him. If you care about it, pray about it.  Prayer is how the Israelites were delivered every time. They turned their face (prayed) to the Lord and changed their ways.

Prayer still works! We should pray about everything all of the time!

Day 19, Judges 16 - 1 Samuel 2

I arrived home to an empty house.  Yes, I was so excited. I have a few moments to settle in without any distractions. I change and get started on dinner. (Light Bulb) I can listen to the Bible while I am cooking. I use www.BibleGateway.com . I don't like the narrator's voice that much, but he is doing the job.  I have listened to about 5 chapters by the time I have the Salmon in the oven. Then I hear a terrible whining sound and scratching noises. Oops! I hadn't let my dog out of the cage since I'd been home. Sorry Kyo, I know what it's like holding it all day.
I let him out, then the phone rang, Gary and Tyler came home, and I just stopped listening. Finally, a few hours later I picked the Bible up and began reading where I left off listening. I read until I fell asleep. (When I should have been reading until the final chapter.) Tonight, I have several chapters to read to catch up. But I don't have that same feeling I had when I fell behind before.  Some may not understand but I feel much more peaceful than I have felt in years. I am not saying that I don't still get angry, irritated, or frustrated. I am saying that I find it much easier to let those feelings go.

Question for the day:  Do you think that listening to the Bible is cheating if you are on a "reading" program?

Day 20, 1 Samuel 3 - 15

Day 18, Judge 4 - 15

I would like to thank everyone for bearing with me yesterday.  I know it didn't seem like it exactly pertained to the reading but for me it did.  From Leviticus to Deuteronomy it is repeated several times what is required of offerings and sacrifices.  I felt like that statement that gentlemen made was an affront on what Jesus is. A perfectly pure sacrificial lamb. But I realize I do not need to be a defender of God. I need to be a follower of His word and doer of His commandments.  If I live right, His light will shine through me and minister to others in ways I can not imagine. It is not my job correct another's way of thinking.  God will speak for me, He will guide my feet, and direct the work of my hands.

I am not sure if you read this blog, but I do forgive you. I hope that you forgive me.

Day 19, Judges 16 -  1 Samuel 2

Day 17 Joshua 15 - Judges 3

In my very first post, I mentioned, I was glad I didn't own a gun because I may have killed a man because of something he said about Christ. I promised to elaborate on the situation once the fury left my system. That time has come my friends. But, I am going to need your help on this one. Once you have read this post in its entirety, please comment on your thoughts. I would greatly appreciate it, and I finally figured out that I can respond to your comments. :)

The man I am speaking of is incredibly educated and resourceful. I can not deny that fact.  He also is incredibly aggressive, arrogant, and disrespectful.  I am not judging, I am making a character observation.

Almost everyone who knows me knows I am on this journey to read the Bible in 3 months. So a couple of my relatives and myself were discussing this in his presence.  He says, "Sarah, you're really into the Bible aren't you?" I reply, " Yes, but not how I should be. That is one reason why these 90 days are so important to me."

He in turn says, " Oh really?  Well let me enlighten you on something.  Tell me who Sarah's parents are. Then we are getting somewhere."

I answered, "I don't know who Sarah's mother is because the Bible doesn't mention her. But I do know that she and Abraham shared the same father."

"Open that Bible girl and look for the picture of the last supper," he said, "Tell me who is sitting at the right hand of Jesus and you will know who Sarah's parents are. Come on, you said you know the Bible." (I never said that. I said I was into the Bible but not as much as I should be.)

Someone interjected, "It was John who sat at Jesus' right hand."

"No, it was the mother of Sarah who sat at the right hand of Jesus," he said.

I was greatly confused by his statements.  How could the mother of Sarah sit next to Jesus at the last supper? It was obvious to me that who ever Sarah's mother was lived thousands of years before Jesus did. What could he possibly be referencing?  I confronted him with all of this.

His response was, "What does Sarah mean?  It means princess.  Sarah was the start of a great nation and Jesus and the woman who sat at his right hand were her parents. You know the way to keep a man ignorant is to put it in a book. The Bible doesn't tell everything."  I am enraged a this moment. I couldn't believe my ears. I had to leave the room because I felt I could explode.

While outside of the room, I heard the others talking to him, questioning him, and telling him he shouldn't talk to me anymore about the subject. They told him I took the Bible very seriously and this was not going to end well if he continued this path.

Meanwhile, I spent my needed moment outdoors to try to collect myself, but I neglected to do one thing. I didn't pray and ask the Lord to guide me. I thought about what I thought I should say.  So I walked back in with my mini speech in mind.
"Sir, you may think I am ignorant along with millions of others who believe the Bible too.  I am not naive. I do believe there may be some missing books in the Bible, but I know the Lord loves me enough to make sure that everything that is in this book is enough to secure my salvation. Yes, this book was written by man but they were under divine inspiration from the Lord. You are ignorant to believe a painting by Michelangelo ( I should have said Leonardo DaVinci because he is the actual painter) accurately depicts the last supper. But I think it is best that we keep how we feel to ourselves for the sake of peace." (Was this cowardly of me? Should I have said more or nothing at all?)

"Well, that is fine but I was just trying to enlighten you.  You said you wanted to learn about the Bible so I am just trying to tell you how the nation was created. (WHAT?) I have a degree in Religion. I know what I am talking about. But Jesus had a daughter named Sarah with the woman sitting at his right hand. The painting says it all."

I am probably squinting my eyes when I ask, " Do you think this woman is Mary Magdalene?"

He looks at me like I am an idiot and says. "No, not her she is a whore!"

In a frustrated and questionable tone, I ask, " But you are you telling me that Jesus had sex without being married? Jesus who is blameless and without sin, fornicated?"

"Yes, he was a was a man wasn't he?"

Now, I am totally finished with him, "As long as I know you I will never talk about religion with you again. How dare you say these things without any qualm. You are wrong and I can't believe you are even in the company of those I love and respect. Those who I know know better." ( I wanted to call him a blasphemer, but I am still learning exactly what blaspheming is. This seemed awfully close though) Again, I stormed out, this time crying hysterically.  I needed some scriptures to confront him with. I remembered a time when they would come to the forefront of my mind with ease. But, I let myself drift so far out of His Word that I didn't feel strong enough to even try to remember any.

At this point, I wasn't going to rejoin the group until it was time to leave but he felt inclined to come outside and speak with me. "I didn't realize you were getting so offended. I was just trying to tell you something you didn't know. I have several degrees in religion, I do believe in God.(or god I personally can't be sure)  I come from a family of ministers and bishops.  I am not a minister though I am a prophet. (He has to be joking with me but I guess he meant it because he later mentioned he could see the future.) I would like us to be able to start over. We are on good terms right?"

I sinned when I said, "Yes, we are on good terms. I forgive you." I really wanted to say, "Stay away from from family you forsaken beast."


Finally, it was time to leave and I was still very upset.  I called a confidant and told them what happened. They agreed that his comments were disturbing but I shouldn't hold it so dear because it didn't affect my relationship with the Lord. What he said didn't change the fact that Jesus died for my sins.  I understood what they were saying but I couldn't accept it.

Later that night I received an email from one of the family members that was there when everything happened.    The email read,-This is what the gentlemen was talking about I am not saying it was right or wrong-.  Attached was an article that insinuated that Jesus and Mary Magdalene had a sexual relationship. Through that relationship they conceived a daughter named Sarah who supposedly started the Frankish people.  It also referenced mythology and said this story did not develop until medieval times.  Now, I am upset with the family member as well. What did they mean by they are not saying this is right or wrong? It is unequivocally wrong.

Reason #1.  The article stated that in A.D. 42 the girl (Sarah) was between 10 and 12. If A.D. started when Jesus died the girl should be 42 minimum.

Reason #2. God desires perfect offerings. Especially, the sin offering. The animal must be pure and without defect.  Jesus was our sin offering. Why wouldn't it be required for Him to be pure and without defect Holy unto the Lord?

Help me out people...

Day 16, Joshua 1-14

There is great comfort in progress. I might say I am feeling mighty comfortable right now. I should be totally caught up tomorrow.

But I want to talk about a couple of things I noticed in my reading.

1. God loved Aaron immensely or God loved Moses so much that he preserved Aaron when he should have been stricken down. I am assuming Moses may not have been able to bear seeing his brother utterly destroyed in God's wrath.
When Moses was on Mount Sinai, Aaron was the one who told the people to give him the gold and he fashioned the calf. When Moses confronted him about it he says, (paraphrase) I put gold in the fire in this calf just came out.  What! First you prepare an idol god then try to make it seem as if it really wasn't you who did it.  In all of the Lord's and Moses' anger the Bible never mentions Aaron receiving an individual punishment.  The Lord still made him high priest after this infraction. How merciful is the Lord!

Also, Aaron and Miriam spoke out against Moses because of who he married. They even tried to convince themselves they had the same calling as him.  When the Lord confronted them for this, he turned Miriam leprous but Aaron remained whole.

Before I read in Deuteronomy that God wanted to kill Aaron over the golden calf but Moses prayed for him I was utterly confused. I was not questioning the Lord. He is righteous and just, but I was finding it hard to understand why Aaron got two huge breaks.

2.  The Lord loved Moses and spoke with him face to face.  Besides his initial hesitation when he first saw the Lord in the burning bush, Moses followed all of the Lord's commandments.  But one sin that some may think was small or try to reason away kept Moses out of the promise land.  By striking the rock and not speaking to it as the Lord commanded, at the waters of Meribah. Moses severely angered the Lord.  The Lord said he didn't trust him enough. That amazes me. Moses didn't trust the Lord with all of his heart after being so close to him physically.That is crazy or it should be impossible. I almost don't want to believe it. I want to say, Moses was so upset with the children of Israel that he struck the rock out of anger not to intentionally disobey the Lord.  But the Bible does say that even if a man sins unintentionally he is still guilty. So, there isn't any justifying Moses in this case, I guess.

In closing, I was upset that I wasn't keeping up with the schedule as I thought I should.  But, I think I was able to minister to someone I love so much today through what I had just read this morning. If I would have been in Joshua today maybe I wouldn't have been able to relate the occurrences as well as God allowed me too.

To that special someone, stand tall, hold your head high, no one is faultless. No one is guilt free. Our ultimate purpose in life to live righteous giving all of the glory to the Lord. You must confess your sins to wash them away. Thank God he gave you the ability to do that. God blesses those who follow his commandments! YOU WILL BE BLESSED!

Day 17, Joshua 15- Judges 3

Day15, Deuteronomy 24-34

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! ANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

I have just spent exactly 3 hours typing the best blog ever. At least I thought it was. I don't know what happened but the entire thing just deleted.  I will leave it as God's will because I don't think I have the strength to retype it.

I guess I will give the highlights
1. I did read tonight with Gary
2. We read in a public place
3. We had a deep conversation about whether we should continue to read together.
4. We decided we should.
5. My beautiful blog about all of this deleted itself
6. I cried loudly, I yelled at the top of my lungs and waved my arms.
7. I finally realized it must not have been His will for others to read it.


Day 16, Joshua 1-14, May God add a blessing to the hearers, readers, and followers of His WORD.

Day 14, Deuteronomy 8-23

I sincerely apologize to everyone who is coming by the blog to see my progress and read how I felt about the day's chapters. I apologize that that hasn't happened yet. This is a true account of everyday of my three month journey of reading the entire Bible.  This is the story of my struggle with myself and my desire to complete a promise.  I know you know what it is like to make a commitment and then it seems like everything is getting in your way. Everything is coming up to make you fall short. In my first post I wrote that I was glad that I was finding the time when it seems like there never is any time.  For the past two days I haven't been finding the time. Yesterday's reason was selfishness and today's was too.  I didn't want to admit that today  I was because I just got home at 10:30PM from a dinner meeting.  The thing is the meeting wasn't mandatory. It was good to show face but I mainly wanted the food. I could've came home at my regular time and read the Bible and caught up. Instead, it is 11:17PM and I am about to read as much as I can before I fall asleep.  Finishing the Bible is a task I will complete. This work will be done for my soul's sake.

Tomorrow's Reading is Deuteronomy 24-34

Gary is willing to read with me ( I should say listen to me) tomorrow.  I plan to read until my tongue swells. With that established, I am not going to read tonight because I don't want to have to read it aloud again tomorrow.  Yes, I know I should want to read it now and then again, but I don't. Not right now and there isn't anything wrong with it.  When this 3 months is over I will know much more about the glory of the Lord.

Day 13, Numbers 33 - Deuteronomy 7

Well, day 13 has come and gone. If I am going to speak honestly about the day, it didn't go well as far as reading was concerned.  It is funny how one's body will immediately begin to feel sleepy when trying to read the Bible at night.  Unfortunately, for me, I didn't even get to experience that last night. Why, you ask?  I didn't attempt to read. Yes, I thought about it but I never even stepped foot in the room where my Bible is. ( I wrote is instead of was because it is still in the same place right now)  Epic fail!

This was the situation. My husband came into the living room where I was watching a DVR recorded episode of Maury Povich (Which means I could've watch it at any time) and says, " I thought we were going to read the Bible and you are watching television".  Did I let this statement convict me? Absolutely NOT!!  I proceeded to tell him how interesting the episode was and encouraged him to watch the segment that just finished. ( I love DVR) He watched with me and agreed that it was interesting. When the first commercial came on he says, " Sarah, are we going to read the Bible or not. I came in here to read the Bible with you and if you are just going to watch T.V. I am leaving because I have other things I could be doing". WHAM! POW! SLAP! BOOM!

After that I felt a little guilty. He left the room and when he returned we were suppose to read the Bible. Did I get up to retrieve the Book? No. Did I decide it was nap time? YES. When I opened my eyes again it was morning. I will add that my couch sleeps pretty nicely.  Now we are going to play catch up again.  Such is life, all we can do is try to do better next time. Hopefully, I will do just that. God knows my heart.

Today's reading is Deuteronomy 8-23

Day 12, Numbers 22-32

God is merciful. God is kind. God will guide you though you are totally blind. God can heal. God can restore. When restored will you continue to whore? Will you prostitute yourself to false gods? (men, women, material goods) Will you continue to miss use his name? (OMG, God No!, God! you make me angry, and g.d.)  Don't say O my God unless you are truly calling on Him. "OMG, that is a cute dress," is not acceptable. If someone asks you a question and you want to reply with an adamant no; your response shouldn't be, "God NO!" Are you beseeching Him in that statement or using the power of His name for your benefit?
Honor the Lord in how you speak.

Besides, today being my father's birthday I didn't feel too good today.  I felt a lot of negative energy. Pray for my strength and I will pray for yours.

Tonight I am just going to read until I fall asleep and ask him to give my spirit peace.

Our Father, which art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name;

thy kingdom come;

thy will be done,

in earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive them that trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation;

but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,

the power, and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen.

Tomorrow's reading is Numbers 33 -Deuteronomy 7

Day 11, Numbers 9-21

So it is 10:30pm. Have we made it to Numbers 21? You've guessed it, no we haven't.

I was speaking with a family member tonight and he told me how he has been enjoyed Leviticus and is enjoying Numbers. The reading was bringing him so much joy. He was seeing God's mercy through out each chapter. He told me he couldn't wait to read through Deuteronomy which is still more like Leviticus and Numbers.  I felt jealous. At this point the reading is not bringing me any joy; except the joy of finishing a chapter. I am not feeling "spiritual tingles" out of any of these words. I have felt convicted though, especially about the tattoos. Gary and I actually winced when we read that verse. I feel like I should have some kind of rejoicing in my soul. But all I can think of is how to get through these chapters faster.  Who cares about the grain offerings and the garments of the priests and when they need to change them.  I know I sound awful right now but this is how I am honestly feeling.

I know my prayer should be, "Father, show me yourself in this word. Show me how it applies to me right now in my life, let me see your glory as you showed the Israelites".  On the other hand, I am afraid what He may show me will take away from the pleasures I currently enjoy. What if He says, "Sarah follow my laws on unclean food. The scripture in the new testament about nothing I have made being unclean was misinterpreted".  I will have to obey and I will also have to stop eating shrimp, crab, lobster, and bacon.  Anyone who knows me well, knows that I can hardly live a week without consuming shrimp.  It is a shame that I am afraid to give up something edible instead of just being willing to be obedient to whatever He commands. (Again conviction, no rejoicing. I am still learning to rejoice in my convictions)

If I want to be Holy and live Righteous, I should just be excited that God has allowed any of His words to pass my eyes. How dare I complain. I am the one who made a public commitment to read the Bible in three months. I am steadily falling behind.  How am I honoring Him in these actions?  Honor is important to Him. I know because I just read it. (Convicted)

My new slogans have been Dying to the flesh, so the spirit can live, as well as, Dying to the desires of the flesh to emerge a new creature.(Pretty much the same meaning)

With that in mind, maybe that is why it is so hard for me to accept that I have read relevant passages to rejoice about. My flesh is fighting back. I don't think any living thing enjoys dying.  The Holy Spirit is trying to choke the life out of my flesh and my hands are pushing on His chest for relief. It wants to keep sinning because it is so easy.

Since this is the first day of the blog some might think this is the first day of the three months. Well, it isn't.  Today is day eleven and I am terribly behind (1 1/2 days).  It is not good to make excuses but I am going to anyway... It is not my fault I am behind! I am being forced to read the Bible aloud to my husband in an effort to get him to read the Bible period.  He feels uncomfortable reading the Bible alone because of his questions. He asked if I would read with him, but he really just wants me to read to him.( It is like story time for him. Too bad for me he hasn't offered to read once in these past 11 days) But I want him to learn God's word and become more familiar with it so I just keep reading. Even when he falls asleep and leaves me to read several chapters aloud to myself until I realize he is sleeping.  If he didn't snore I may never know he was asleep.

Also, when I try to catch him up, I will ask, " What is the last thing you remember me reading?" To my extreme irritation he will reply, " I can't remember just start reading and I will see what I can remember".

What do you mean you can't remember? You can't remember anything at all before you dozed off? Do you think I like reading out loud for a hour to the air? My throat and mouth is very dry try so remember something buddy!!! (I don't actually say this to him just feelings)

That is neither here nor there, just a simple explanation as to why I am behind on my daily reading.  We will catch up tonight, guaranteed.

With all of that out of the way, I will let everyone know 11 things I am glad about:

1. I am glad God has given me the grace to continue reading regardless of distractions
2. I am glad God has given me the grace to read every chapter of Exodus even when I felt like they weren't really relevant to my Christian walk.
3. I am glad my husband is listening to the Bible, hearing is just as powerful as reading.
4. I am glad that I do not own a gun, because I may have killed a man yesterday based on somethings he said about Christ. All based on mythological facts. --- I might discuss this more in detail after the fury has left my system.
5. I am glad God is merciful.
6. I am glad some of my family members and friends are participating in this quest.
7. I am glad I am alive.
8. I am glad that I am finding the time when it always seems like there isn't enough time.
9. I am glad I have been using less profane language since I began reading.
10. I am glad I am praying more than I have in years.
11. I am glad God forgives.