Day 21 - 24, 1 Samuel 16 - 1 Kings 7

Well hello again everyone!  I know it has been a few days but I had to deal with a couple of things.

First and far most, I was very far behind in my daily reading, and I was beginning to feel like that was acceptable. But how could I find the energy to post on this blog daily and not read a few chapters daily?  I needed to spend my time reading God's word like I promised Him I would.  If I don't read, I don't post. Taking the time to get caught up was the best decision I have made in a long while.  I actually feel proud of myself. I feel refreshed in knowing the Lord will give me strength to honor my commitments.

In respect to the reading itself, I must say I LOVE DAVID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A few years ago, my family faced a lot of calamity in the form of deaths.  My father presented the eulogy at each of the funerals except one.  I remember when he was preparing and beseeching the Lord for the sermon for the last funeral. I approached him and said, "Dad, why don't you tell David's story? He was after God's heart and even though he sinned God still new his heart was with Him. This is what you should preach about."  He told me thank you and he would continue asking the Lord what he should say.  Be it as it may, he did not use David for the eulogy, and at first I was upset because I really thought the Lord had sent that message through me.  But when the eulogy was delivered I knew that God loved my family. It was just my love for the story that compelled me to ask my dad to preach it.  That should have been a defining moment in my life, but it wasn't because of my own ignorance.

Still, the story of David ministers to me. It resounds again and again in my life. (I know some people are going to be mad that I am doing this but I am going to do it anyway.)  There was a man in my life who introduced me to the Lord. He read the Bible to me when I was only months old.  At times, he scolded me and when I deserved it, he praised my good deed.  His words were final in my life and I lived to make him proud.  The problem was, I took everything he told me as gospel without truly learning for myself. I loved him so much and since it seemed he loved God, I wanted to love God too. This man was my idol.

One day the Lord saw me and he thought it would be good to save my soul.  So he sent some distractions and emotional roller coasters my way so that I would recognize that he was God and not this man.  Within a few years time, I heeded, and my relationship with God and this man was restored.  But I quickly fell back into worshipping the man, all the while thinking I was worshipping the Lord. Not too much time passed before the man came forth and broke down everything I prided myself on and believed in. He began to follow himself and not the Lord. He destroyed my image of him and my faith in men.  I became very angry, I didn't pray and I sinned A LOT. I continued down a path of destruction until I had a realization.  I didn't know the Lord for myself.  I read the Bible but I looked for his interpretation, I wanted to follow God only because he did.  I asked myself, "Now he has turned his face from the Lord; what are you going to do? Trust in man or in the True and Living God. Choose this day who you will serve Sarah. The man has fallen but God is secure."  As tears burned my eyes I said,"Lord thank you for showing me the light. Forgive me for my sins. Forgive me for putting the ruling of a man above yours. Save me from myself."  God dealt kindly with me. He allowed me to begin desiring Him truly. I was trying to live right for His glory and my salvation; not for the accolades of another human being.  He showed me that I could seek him in private and he would still bless me in public. Though my desires were turning to Him and he was kind enough to give me a revelation, I was still sinning greatly.
 At this same time, the Lord was working on this man and bringing him back to His bosom.  Eventually, the man was restored. I believe he was restored to an even greater place in God than he was before.  This man has learned to wait on God. (To me he was waiting to the point of annihilation, but God always has a plan greater than we can imagine) The man is deep in God's Word like he was before. It is beautiful to witness.  God will beat you down so he can build you up into what he wants you to be. When you put things in front of the Lord, He will destroy those things so that you recognize them for what they are. When they are exposed you will see God in all of His Glory and follow him.

Here I am today, willing to expose myself with all of my imperfections. I am not a good wife, I am not a good daughter, I am not a good friend, I do not love my enemies, I am a liar, I am a judger, I laugh at other people's folly, I do not forgive others the way I want God to forgive me, I do not worship the Lord in everything I do,(especially in my job) I do not let my light shine. If I am honest my light is on a low dim and it has just gotten there in the last 24 days. Continuing in my honesty, I would not have been able to admit anything I have written in this post 24 days ago. I am willing to say I am a sinner and everyday is struggle to live Christlike.  I can admit to myself how totally backwards I am.

Keep me in the fire Oh God, until I am totally refined.

My name is Sarah, I am on a three month journey to read the Bible, I am chronicling this journey,  and I am a sinner.

Thank you for stopping by and please come by again. Tomorrow's reading is 1 Kings 8 - 16