Day 91, Almost there!!!

Let me tell you...

The closer I get to the end the harder it is to finish.  I am incredibly tired and everything is distracting me!!!!!

I am determined but I have piled so much on my plate for the day I am concerned I will not be able to do it all. Because some people (who will remain nameless) don't want to stay the night at my house for the new year I have to have dinner ready at a certain time. But it is okay loved one, it is okay.

Never the less, I am a fast reader and I am reading slower as well, I think I am running into what some of my family and friends were running into.  The Word was speaking to them and they needed to take the time to understand what it was saying to them.  I told myself this couldn't happen to me I have a deadline.  LOL!  I am silly I know.

Ultimately, for me, the most important thing is that I am finished by midnight tonight. I will highlight or fold the page of all the verses that speak to me. I will look over them in the upcoming days.

To finishing on time and honoring my commitment to the Lord.

Day 91, My arms are too short

As I am wrapping up, I am realizing how much of a struggle this has been for me.  I have experienced so much doubt along the way.  At some points, especially reading the words of the prophets I was beginning to think that I was just Jewish. I have been reading different Jewish websites and blogs to gain true understanding as to why they don't believe Jesus was the Messiah.  Unlike anything else I have encountered there were some incredibly valid points. Just when I thought I may have lost it all, I turned the page to the New Testament

I had been questioning my faith. I was afraid. Plus, I am always confronting my husband about his doubts and how he should stand up so he can lead our family; but I am having doubts of my own. (Hypocrite) Secretly, I wanted him to be stronger so I could lean on his faith. (Wrong move)  I needed to check myself.

So here it is:

Gary, I am sorry for every time I have tried to through God in your face without having Him in my mouth and heart.  I am sorry for harboring a grudge against you for not continuing to read the Bible with me these past months.  I am sorry for denying you the respect you have ultimately deserved as my husband throughout our entire marriage. I am sorry for blaming you for things I have had a hand in also. I am sorry for everything I have hidden. You are an a amazing husband.  I am proud of you. I am glad you are showing interest in getting to know the Lord and it will be my pleasure to continue to pray for your strength in Him. I am sorry for being mean, I can't wait to get to know you better. I can't wait to be a better support system for you.  Thank you for sharing your life with me. I love you, please forgive me.
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I pray almost every morning for God to lead and guide me. Finally, I am ready to surrender. I give up, I realize my arms are too short to box with God.

Day 88, Revelations 18-22

I missed the bus.

Not only did I literally miss the early bus home yesterday, I have been missing the bus of success everyday.  I pray everyday for God to help me live for Him to be upright, resist temptation and sin not.  Everyday the bus drives by me and I am granted the opportunity to get on, meaning I won't tell that lie, I won't judge this person, I won't use foul language. But most days I just let the bus pass me by leaving dust in my face. On my worst days I won't even attempt to catch it.

The more I read the Bible, the more I pray and mean it, the more I make conscience attempts to live for God the more obstacles come my way. I can choose to engage them, jump over them, or ask God to guide me around them.

When I decided to be obedient and read the Bible in three months I knew I was going to be blessed.  One of the greatest blessings I have received so far is realizing how much I was already blessed.

My Uncle's funeral is tomorrow. If I am honest I can not say that he was an Uncle that I spent an enormous amount of time with.  But I do know that he was an honorable man who loved his family, a mathematical genius, a charismatic speaker, one of the smartest men I ever knew.  He suffered pain that I don't want to comprehend, though he may have retreated he never caved to defeat.  I have learned so much from his life and I thank God for him.

Marshall David Ellington, now your heart will forever be mended... 1957-2010

Day 83, 1 Corinthians 15 - Galatians 3

My husband hasn't read with me since about day 15.  I can't deny that I wish that were not the case.  I think I was harboring some kind of anger towards him for it.  I shouldn't have, like he has told me countless times he did not commit to reading the Bible in three months; I did.

For completing this I know the Lord will bless me. I guess the mistake I have made is assuming what kind of blessings.  I felt that within these 90 days God would bless my house by saving my husband. He would have rapidly developed the desire to seek the Lord and love Him. Unfortunately, for me, I thought I knew how all of this should occur. And stupidly I tried to make it happen myself. ( Can you say unsuccessful?)  My plans are flawed and my thoughts are not just. I am human. I have to leave it God's hands. That is the main lesson I have learned these past 84 days.

The more I trust Him and seek Him and live to glorify Him. The more peace I have and more blessings I receive. I might change receive to recognize because He was blessing me before but I just wasn't paying attention.

Day 81, Romans 1 - 14

HONESTY...

The end of this three month journey is rapidly approaching.  I am not sure exactly how I expected to feel by now, but I am going to say I am blessed to be feeling.  I am learning so much about my self. I thought I was good. I may have been good in the going measurements of the world today.  In the eyes of the Lord, I know was a corrupted and broken vessel.  I am by no means sin free today.  But, now I can see my sins and accept the great horrors I have been committing.  There is not any excuse or justification for my actions. I would say, " I lied because I was afraid" ( God hasn't given us a spirit of fear) Do I need to confess all of my sins to another man to really be forgiven or for them to truly believe in God's deliverance? I don't think so just know I spent many years of my life dangling my toes at the gates of hell and He was merciful enough to snatch me back. These three months are the first three months of the rest of my life

POWER, LOVE, and A SOUND MIND...

For the past two mornings I have taken public transportation into work.  People have seen me reading the Bible and it makes me feel good because I believe they are thinking I am a good person.  I believe I am probably feeling prideful; but what is proper pride?  I am proud to be a follower of Christ, how do I display it correctly? God has given us a spirit of power over sin, power over principalities, power over pride and haughty hearts.  I need the knowledge to discern when I am exerting my given power or my fleshly pride.

I WANT TO BE A GOOD STEWARD...

I tell the Lord, I want to work unto Him, be a wife and mother unto Him, I want to check with Him before I make any decision.  Is this true? Do I really mean this because I love Him and I appreciate all He has given me? Or am I saying this because I am hoping He will bless me with more because of my stewardship? I have buried so many talents. Will God restore them if I go get a shovel?

I believe, Lord help my unbelief.

Day 77, John 16 - Acts 6

God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we are able to ask or think.

So much stuff is going on in my heart and mind right now. I am in a love - hate relationship with my life.  I am praying for satisfaction with what God has blessed me with.

1. I am still alive - I should be dead because of how much I sin
2. I want to have a baby with my husband. It is going to be difficult because we have some reproductive issues and the procedures are expensive. - I should be happy with Tyler. He is amazing. I couldn't be more proud of him and glad to have him in my life. On top of that I don't treat him the way I should, meaning I don't spend a lot of time talking about God with him. Which is wrong, wrong, wrong. I say I love him with all of my heart but I am not instilling him with the most important thing in his life.  I probably don't deserve a baby until I honor him with the baby he has already given me.
3. I have a job. It doesn't pay a lot but at least I know a check is coming on the 15th and 30th.-There are millions unemployed and I go to work everyday unhappy wishing to be fired. How dare I kick God in the face. I need to honor what he has given me while working to receive something better.

I claim I want to be led, but I act wilder than a wild bronco when he tries to reign me in.  I am ashamed, but I will prevail. 

Day 76, John 6-15

Day 76

I would want to say it was it bad day. A sad day.  I had an error at work, and there was a death in my family. I was unhappy.  But God gives us peace beyond our own understanding.  He will answer our prayers.

Isaiah 61: 1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion -- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.

My Uncle was brokenhearted. I prayed for God to heal his broken heart. He did so by taking my Uncle home. Thank you God for your mercy. Thank you for your Son.

68, Zechariah 11 - Malachai 4

I am finally doing it!  I am honoring my husband.  He wants me to find a new job and I have been procrastinating for many many reasons.  Tonight I have sent out my first resumes. I plan on doing so every night until I am hired somewhere new with an increase in wages.  Thank you God for breaking down this wall for me. That is all I have to say today. That is the most significant change I have experienced so far.

God Bless. Pray for someone it is the best gift you can give.

Day 66, Obadiah 1 - Haggai 2

Day 66 was an incredible day for me. I only read one verse, and I think I read same one over and over because I couldn't concentrate.  I was becoming an Aunt again and it was very consuming.  I was so excited to be there because I have never seen a child being born before. I also felt like it was a moment for me to be closer to my sister in law (as of today I am leaving off the "in law") No matter what she is my sister for life. She has given me a great gift that I will always be grateful for. I didn't know what to expect during delivery but all I could see was beauty and God's wonder. If you ever read this post, Dionne you are amazing.

I couldn't stop crying. I am still crying today. Thank you God for life. Thank You for my family. Thank You for answering my prayers, because I have prayed all of my life for a sister and now I have one.

I am full of joy and I am so excited about beginning the New Testament in the next couple of days.

Day 64, Daniel 9 - Hosea 13

I had a girl's night out last night. My sister-in-law is having her baby this weekend and all the girls in the family and a couple of friends went out for Italian.  I had a good time. I had a real good time but for whatever reason I still felt very lonely, in the mist of all these people.  I felt like what I wanted no one else at that table wanted. What I valued no one else at that table valued. What I have been learning and devising as true these last 64 days no one at that table wanted to learn. No one wants to forgive. No one wants to value family for what they are unless they feel they have created the outcome. 

 NO ONE WANTS GOD TO TAKE CONTROL OF THEIR LIFE BUT THEY CONSTANTLY WANT TO ASK HIM TO SAVE THEM.

I don't know how to minister to others. Sadly I haven't asked God to show me how. I will now though.  I am in pain for perfection in God's eyes. Everyone else can think I am crazy.

My cousin posted this Prayer on Facebook. I love it. It is a prayer I want to live. 

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Father God, thank You for the gift of forgiveness that sets me free. Help me to truly understand what it means to forgive so I can receive Your forgiveness. Search me today and have Your way in my heart. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Day 63, Ezekiel 48 - Daniel 8

Question...

Do we thwart the answering of our prayers? I mean if we are continuously praying for something, when we see it start to happen to we do something to sabotage it?  If my prayer is for a peaceful home and I have experienced 10 days of peace; I would notice, right?  On day 11, I might pick a fight with my spouse just so I can ask God why wasn't He answering my prayers. 

God please send me a new job... God I really need you to deliver me a job.
( Have you started sending out applications)

God please heal my relationship with my siblings...God I am still waiting on a break through in these relationships.
( Have you called them or sent them a card or even analyzed why you are not as close as you should be)

Lord, Lead us not into temptation... I am being tempted at every turn.
(How are you living your life have you continued down the same path or have you tried to change your ways and follow me.  If your temptation is sexual, stop partying and drinking to the point where your conscience escapes you.  If your temptation is lying, take the time to really think about what you are saying before you say it. Be willing to face the consequences of your actions.)

These are just some of the things that have been on my mind.  Fill your life with God and you will live a God filled life.

Dying to the desires of my flesh.

Day 61, Ezekiel 24 - 35

I am struggling with faith.  I heard some news this morning that really disturbed me. I mean it really disturbed me!  All it was, was an opportunity for be to trust God immediately and I blew it.  All I could see was condemnation.  Where is my faith? Where is my belief that all things work together for the good of those who Love the Lord and are called according to His purpose?  I am now incredibly ashamed of myself. 

A haughty spirit will be brought down and a man who thinks himself wise is worse than a fool.  This needs to be seared in my mind so that I don't falter again.

I am reading God's word but am I listening to Him...