I missed the bus.
Not only did I literally miss the early bus home yesterday, I have been missing the bus of success everyday. I pray everyday for God to help me live for Him to be upright, resist temptation and sin not. Everyday the bus drives by me and I am granted the opportunity to get on, meaning I won't tell that lie, I won't judge this person, I won't use foul language. But most days I just let the bus pass me by leaving dust in my face. On my worst days I won't even attempt to catch it.
The more I read the Bible, the more I pray and mean it, the more I make conscience attempts to live for God the more obstacles come my way. I can choose to engage them, jump over them, or ask God to guide me around them.
When I decided to be obedient and read the Bible in three months I knew I was going to be blessed. One of the greatest blessings I have received so far is realizing how much I was already blessed.
My Uncle's funeral is tomorrow. If I am honest I can not say that he was an Uncle that I spent an enormous amount of time with. But I do know that he was an honorable man who loved his family, a mathematical genius, a charismatic speaker, one of the smartest men I ever knew. He suffered pain that I don't want to comprehend, though he may have retreated he never caved to defeat. I have learned so much from his life and I thank God for him.
Marshall David Ellington, now your heart will forever be mended... 1957-2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Day 83, 1 Corinthians 15 - Galatians 3
My husband hasn't read with me since about day 15. I can't deny that I wish that were not the case. I think I was harboring some kind of anger towards him for it. I shouldn't have, like he has told me countless times he did not commit to reading the Bible in three months; I did.
For completing this I know the Lord will bless me. I guess the mistake I have made is assuming what kind of blessings. I felt that within these 90 days God would bless my house by saving my husband. He would have rapidly developed the desire to seek the Lord and love Him. Unfortunately, for me, I thought I knew how all of this should occur. And stupidly I tried to make it happen myself. ( Can you say unsuccessful?) My plans are flawed and my thoughts are not just. I am human. I have to leave it God's hands. That is the main lesson I have learned these past 84 days.
The more I trust Him and seek Him and live to glorify Him. The more peace I have and more blessings I receive. I might change receive to recognize because He was blessing me before but I just wasn't paying attention.
For completing this I know the Lord will bless me. I guess the mistake I have made is assuming what kind of blessings. I felt that within these 90 days God would bless my house by saving my husband. He would have rapidly developed the desire to seek the Lord and love Him. Unfortunately, for me, I thought I knew how all of this should occur. And stupidly I tried to make it happen myself. ( Can you say unsuccessful?) My plans are flawed and my thoughts are not just. I am human. I have to leave it God's hands. That is the main lesson I have learned these past 84 days.
The more I trust Him and seek Him and live to glorify Him. The more peace I have and more blessings I receive. I might change receive to recognize because He was blessing me before but I just wasn't paying attention.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Day 81, Romans 1 - 14
HONESTY...
The end of this three month journey is rapidly approaching. I am not sure exactly how I expected to feel by now, but I am going to say I am blessed to be feeling. I am learning so much about my self. I thought I was good. I may have been good in the going measurements of the world today. In the eyes of the Lord, I know was a corrupted and broken vessel. I am by no means sin free today. But, now I can see my sins and accept the great horrors I have been committing. There is not any excuse or justification for my actions. I would say, " I lied because I was afraid" ( God hasn't given us a spirit of fear) Do I need to confess all of my sins to another man to really be forgiven or for them to truly believe in God's deliverance? I don't think so just know I spent many years of my life dangling my toes at the gates of hell and He was merciful enough to snatch me back. These three months are the first three months of the rest of my life
POWER, LOVE, and A SOUND MIND...
For the past two mornings I have taken public transportation into work. People have seen me reading the Bible and it makes me feel good because I believe they are thinking I am a good person. I believe I am probably feeling prideful; but what is proper pride? I am proud to be a follower of Christ, how do I display it correctly? God has given us a spirit of power over sin, power over principalities, power over pride and haughty hearts. I need the knowledge to discern when I am exerting my given power or my fleshly pride.
I WANT TO BE A GOOD STEWARD...
I tell the Lord, I want to work unto Him, be a wife and mother unto Him, I want to check with Him before I make any decision. Is this true? Do I really mean this because I love Him and I appreciate all He has given me? Or am I saying this because I am hoping He will bless me with more because of my stewardship? I have buried so many talents. Will God restore them if I go get a shovel?
I believe, Lord help my unbelief.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Day 77, John 16 - Acts 6
God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we are able to ask or think.
So much stuff is going on in my heart and mind right now. I am in a love - hate relationship with my life. I am praying for satisfaction with what God has blessed me with.
1. I am still alive - I should be dead because of how much I sin
2. I want to have a baby with my husband. It is going to be difficult because we have some reproductive issues and the procedures are expensive. - I should be happy with Tyler. He is amazing. I couldn't be more proud of him and glad to have him in my life. On top of that I don't treat him the way I should, meaning I don't spend a lot of time talking about God with him. Which is wrong, wrong, wrong. I say I love him with all of my heart but I am not instilling him with the most important thing in his life. I probably don't deserve a baby until I honor him with the baby he has already given me.
3. I have a job. It doesn't pay a lot but at least I know a check is coming on the 15th and 30th.-There are millions unemployed and I go to work everyday unhappy wishing to be fired. How dare I kick God in the face. I need to honor what he has given me while working to receive something better.
I claim I want to be led, but I act wilder than a wild bronco when he tries to reign me in. I am ashamed, but I will prevail.
So much stuff is going on in my heart and mind right now. I am in a love - hate relationship with my life. I am praying for satisfaction with what God has blessed me with.
1. I am still alive - I should be dead because of how much I sin
2. I want to have a baby with my husband. It is going to be difficult because we have some reproductive issues and the procedures are expensive. - I should be happy with Tyler. He is amazing. I couldn't be more proud of him and glad to have him in my life. On top of that I don't treat him the way I should, meaning I don't spend a lot of time talking about God with him. Which is wrong, wrong, wrong. I say I love him with all of my heart but I am not instilling him with the most important thing in his life. I probably don't deserve a baby until I honor him with the baby he has already given me.
3. I have a job. It doesn't pay a lot but at least I know a check is coming on the 15th and 30th.-There are millions unemployed and I go to work everyday unhappy wishing to be fired. How dare I kick God in the face. I need to honor what he has given me while working to receive something better.
I claim I want to be led, but I act wilder than a wild bronco when he tries to reign me in. I am ashamed, but I will prevail.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Day 76, John 6-15
Day 76
I would want to say it was it bad day. A sad day. I had an error at work, and there was a death in my family. I was unhappy. But God gives us peace beyond our own understanding. He will answer our prayers.
Isaiah 61: 1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion -- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.
My Uncle was brokenhearted. I prayed for God to heal his broken heart. He did so by taking my Uncle home. Thank you God for your mercy. Thank you for your Son.
I would want to say it was it bad day. A sad day. I had an error at work, and there was a death in my family. I was unhappy. But God gives us peace beyond our own understanding. He will answer our prayers.
Isaiah 61: 1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion -- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.
My Uncle was brokenhearted. I prayed for God to heal his broken heart. He did so by taking my Uncle home. Thank you God for your mercy. Thank you for your Son.
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